Comments on: Deal or No Deal?

By: Valerie/Quilt_Mommy

Valerie/Quilt_Mommy — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 14:23:39 +0000

I have someone close in my family who does that “you should know you’re not going to get any sympathy from me” stuff! I’m all grown up and boy does it make me feel small! I love this person very much – but it’s exactly like you said, I have learned to go to someone else to talk. What you are talking about in your post is something I struggle with daily – not only with my kids but with the people in my life. Being present and listening to others, even if your problems are bigger, you’re so right, everyone wants to be heard, and wants someone to sympathize and validate, to say that yes, right now things really do suck for you! Lol*

Gosh I really do believe things happen for a reason…your post just brings up so many things that have been going on in my life, I’m so glad you got me thinking about it!

By: Inkling

Inkling — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 14:59:21 +0000

I struggle with this question all the time–my husband belongs to the “quit whining” camp. I try to make a distinction between whining to get out of work and seeking sympathy when it’s needed. Husband thinks I’m too soft, I think he’s too strict. I do know that when they are teenagers, they are going to be talking to me rather than him.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 00:26:41 +0000

Adults can be very disrespectful and mean to kids. Whether disciplining or just chatting, it is important to model how you want them to deal with the world. So, I agree with you completely about the family member. And the fact is that the problem isn’t important, it’s training kids to be more solution oriented. They become very creative and empowered that way.

By: Mom

Mom — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 14:26:37 +0000

It’s a constant tightrope you walk while raising your children. Am I too strict…am I too lenient…is always on your mind. Am I doing something now that will affect his/her life forever? While sitting around, as adults, talking about their childhood…will they have more good memories than bad? Oh why don’t they come with instructions? Am I there for them? Have I missed something? Am I on top of everything they’re doing? Have I given them confidence and independence? Tt goes on and on Stac…you just have to go with your “gut” and hope you’ve done the right job so none of them end up on “Oprah”!

By: Wende

Wende — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 18:06:57 +0000

I think your bottom line is excellent. It’s too easy to label concern or sympathy as spoiling. (wonder what those no-sympathy people might think if terms like “neglect” were used to describe their actions.) There’s a difference between whiny behaviour and a need to vent. Life is unfair, and most adults get to articulate that. Let a child cry about it and we tell them to stop begin whiny. It’s a double standard that can’t be redeemed.

As for your observation about adults, you’re right on there, too. Too often, it’s easy to play the one-upmanship game. But it doesn’t speak compassion. You may have more kids and in fact the harder part, it doesn’t mean that the other person isn’t suffering at the moment.

I hope you found a solution for your flip-flopped, rope swinging daughter. I suspect that some of her reaction has to do with the fact that she isn’t treated that way by you.